Autobahn: what would I do if I was Volkswagen Group’s boss

I follow car journal websites every day. Not because just to see car reviews and read some bribed car magazine “unbiased” opinions on some brands’ futures, but also because they give me some inspiration and idea on what to write about on my blog next. This time it is about two articles I found on Volkswagen group brands (Škoda and Seat) because they made me think and to come up with some radical, cost saving moves for the brand. The article about Seat said that they have been struggling to find their place in the market and they hope that their latest models which look very pretty will gain some attention. The other one was Škoda stating that their top priority for brand’s development is….design. Sounds barely like strong plans of a large automotive corporation, doesn’t it?

Just a little background info. Volkswagen Group consists not just of Volkswagen, but of Audi, Seat, Škoda, Lamborghini, Porsche, Bentley and even that God damned Bugatti. And many of you don’t know that VW group have a target set for 2015 which states that the group will be THE BIGGEST CAR MAKER IN THE WORLD. Not just in global market share (where it now is about 1% shy from GM), but also revenue, profits, customer satisfaction and so on. Typical German target. However, what is not typical just recently is VW gradually makes the bad signs of being a large car company apparent even to those who are not car enthusiasts. These signs are very typical for GM, which is a bit of an insult for this great group. The thing I am talking about is “heavy badge engineering”.

 

To those who don’t know what “badge engineering” means, let me draw your attention to the picture below:

What VW group says about these cars is this: these are two different models. However, to me and you it is clearly obvious that this is not the case. Clearly they look exactly the same. The reason for that is to save costs and to gain massive advances in increasing market share all over the world large car companies tend to not do much to the car apart from changing the badge, alter the design only slightly and changing the design of the interior, including “distinctive features that characterize the brand” (the kind of thing SAAB got obsessed with in their final years and something that scared potential customers away, as they were nothing more but rebadged Vauxhall/Opel Vectras (or Saturn Auras, if you’re from America) with some odd designs and ridiculous sticker prices). Everything else in the car (engines, drivetrain, chassis, electronics, software etc) is exactly the same. Then they price them differently which is when it gets weird.

Why does VW make two cars that are essentially the same when only Audi A4 (one on the left) is the one that sells more  and makes money for the VW group. Seat Exeo is just there with tiny production numbers and no reason to explain why it was created at all.

Why doesn’t VW do something Chrysler did recently – set out main purposes of brands – what are they going to do, who they are for and what will be their strength – for example they stated loud and clear that Dodge from now on will be the performance brand of the Chrysler Corporation. But for VW like for GM there are way too many badge-engineered cars that don’t sell as well as their originals, wasting money and resources for the group. To understand what I’m talking about, let us look at VW group’s consumer brands – Audi, VW, Seat and Škoda.

 

ŠKODA

 In my view the biggest victim to Volkswagen empire’s sinister badge engineering are Czech car makers Škoda. For those who don’t know them, Škoda are a Czech car company that until 90s were an independent manufacturer, but because of the “successful” Communist experiment in Eastern Europe, because when the Eastern Bloc broke free from Communism and the #1 Capitalist business idea for Eastern bloc in the 90s was selling off everything they could get a hand on (including manufacturing equipment) and because all Communists cared about was having everyone employed (even those who have no idea how to build a car whatsoever) the quality of Škodas in those days wasn’t good. So when Capitalism came into Czech Republic in 1990s suddenly an ordinary Czech citizen could buy a more reliable car. Luckily for them in 1994 Volkswagen saw an opportunity and decided to try their luck by developing a car together with them. Their first car was a Škoda Felicia. Instantly it was a big surprise in the west, because in 1998 Škoda in Britain became the best manufacturer. Quite a change for a car company from an ex-Communist bloc country.

Seemed like a good start for the brand that got its rebirth under German control. But as soon as old Škoda platforms were replaced by VW ones. The design and parts became even more and more Volkswagenish. No issues with that but why would they waste money on creating cars that look, drive and sound the same?

SEAT

Seat is the second biggest victim to Volkswagen’s badge engineering malarkey. Unlike Škoda, Seat was not doomed because of changing political winds. After long disputes with Fiat which deteriorated their quality Seat went into talks with Toyota, Nissan and Mitsubishi (who in 80s seemed to collaborate with every single manufacturer in the world, especially Chrysler Corporation). During these talks Volkswagen came to Seat and asked: “would you be very kind and build our Passat and Polo?” By September 30th of 1982 Volkswagen were in and Seat started assembling their cars.

The only time Seat tried to do something different and not obey Volkswagen’s design language was in mid-2000s when they started designing fishbowl-shaped cars like the Leon (above). But soon after they went back to designing cars that resemble Golfs and Passats. They even had a car called Seat Exeo which looked EXACTLY like an Audi A4. Inside and out. I once took a cab ride in one and I was surprised on how precisely Seat have copied the Audi. In 4 years of its production Seat produced just over 75 000 Exeos. It is weird that actually so few people bought it because it essentially was a discounted Audi A4. In all fairness I am surprised it was made at all because of it being a perfect copy of another, more successful car.

BENTLEY

Oh, are you surprised? Well you should be. Because Bentley is yet another victim of Volkswagen’s badge engineering. Example – Volkswagen Phaeton which had its VW badges removed, some interior pieces changed and rebranded as Bentley Continental Flying Spur. Yes, a Bentley that has underpinnings of a Volkswagen. Even BMW don’t do that with Rolls-Royce don’t do that.

Whenever I see one Bentley parked just outside our University’s international school I think “the owner is such a moron.” He is, because he’s spent tens of thousands more for exactly the same car just because it has a fancier badge on the nose. Besides he could’ve saved even more if he bought one second-hand. Seriously, VW Phaetons are laughably cheap. You can pick up a good one with a 5 litre diesel engine for just about €7000!!!! Not kidding. There’s one being advertised on Latvia’s top car advertising pages:

Don’t get me wrong. VW Phaeton is a fantastic automobile. In fact this is the best bargain you can possibly get because a) it’s made by Volkswagen which means it is reliable; b) Ferdinand Piech, then chairman of VW, set out targets for the Phaeton that many engineers thought were impossible to meet, yet they were met, which means this car is massively over-engineered; c) it is super comfortable for everyone. But when a car that wears exactly the same badge that the Beetle wore in 1940s, this questions why would the maker of “People’s cars” (translating from German, volk – “the nation”, “people” and wagen – “car”, “carriage”) would introduce their production methods and the car to an old, rich-herritage British automaker? When even engines have been “masked” to fool these crazy buyers? Clearly they are THE SAME ENGINE. A VW W12 engine!!

They might have done something what one owner of a Phaeton did and nobody would notice – put some Bentley ornaments on it and disguise it as a Flying Spur. Trust me, these rich buyers would not notice that they are wasting thousands on a Volkswagen.

WHAT WOULD I DO?

Now at last, after I’ve got everything off my chest I can finally let you know what I would do if I would lead this big empire.

1) GET BENTLEY TO MAKE INDEPENDENTLY ENGINEERED CARS: no more Volkswagen nonsense, no more badge swapping. It’s not like Volkswagen group can’t afford to design a whole new car. If they could afford to waste millions on every Bugatti they made they can afford to engineer brand new platforms for new Bentleys.

2) VOLKSWAGEN IS A PEOPLE’S CAR AND IT SHOULD STAY THAT WAY: let them keep the Polo and let them keep the Golf hatch. Those should be biggest cars they should be making to live up to their name. Make the UP!, make anything you can, but quit making the Phaeton, stop selling Passat (nobody would care, it is boring enough to leave the scene unnoticed) and invest in smaller cars. Because of such quick depreciations such big cars should be made by other brands because depreciation for an average customer matters.

3) ŠKODA – MAKER OF YOUR AVERAGE JOE’S GETABOUTS: now Škoda does a fantastic job with the Superb and Octavia (which are badge engineered VW Passat and VW Golf saloon/estate) that they are more reliable than their VW and Audi counterparts. Also Škoda’s “worker’s cars” such as Roomster and Yeti (which Jeremy Clarkson loved a lot) must stay, which means VW could stop making the more expensive Caddie, saving even more money and increasing more revenue when those indecisive buyers who couldn’t decide between Caddie and Roomster would start buying Roomsters which could use the money surplus from unproduced Caddies to improve it.

4) SEAT – THE HOT BRAND: I love the principle that Fiat Chrysler realized when they announced their “Five Year Plan”. One of them was to make Dodge to be strictly a performance brand. VW should do the same with Seat. They have already left their mark in motorsport and their recent designs are very sharp and sporty. Why not? VW could keep the Golf GTI, but all other performance versions of other VW lineup cars could be made in Spain. Why not? Maybe even develop new performance cars for middle classes? A rival to a Mazda MX-5 perhaps? The closest offering from VW group is a Porsche Boxster but that’s a luxury brand.

This might be just a small step for a larger reorganization, but I believe that these four steps could give a big kick that VW needs to become the biggest car group in the world. I understand that you use badge-engineering to save time and costs on developing new models, but what’s the point of creating 5 cars under different brands that are in many ways exactly the same.

There’s not much time left until the end of 2015, so if anyone from VW sees this, discuss this in your boardroom meetings. It can work out well!

My first review (sort of) and my hopes on SAABs success

MY 10th ARTICLE! And, incidentally, for this article I have something special – a car review. After that I have a confession to make. So enjoy the read.

CAR REVIEW: RENAULT MEGANE III COUPÉ 

 

Last Thursday I was walking around Norwich, minding my own business and then I saw a bunch of Renaults parked in a Shopping mall. No, not randomly parked. They were there because Holden Renault of Norwich were advertising them. Obviously, one of reasons why cars are being advertised this way is because they are not doing that well. So I decided to see those cars what’s what.

There were four cars there: Megane III hatchback, Clio, Megane III Coupé…and another one I don’t even remember because I couldn’t be bothered to see it. Anyway, I decided to see Megane Coupé up close because it was the only appealing car between those. So…what did I see?

First thing I noticed was that it is a handsome thing. Really, French have finally improved their design over the years. It’s not like they’ve never designed a beautiful car – some Renaults before 1990s were quite cute and nice looking, like Renault 5, Dauphine and Alpine Renaults. But during 90s and 00s Renaults were so dull I wasn’t bothered to find out anything about them. Maybe it’s because their partnership with Nissan has got themselves some decent designers. The profile is also sweet. It is more like a shooting break than a coupe. And I prefer shooting brakes to coupes any time. They look sleeker, sexier.

One thing I was really surprised was the quality of interior. Long gone are the days of cheap, rattling plastics. Now it’s all soft touch, quality materials. Even plastic buttons on the climate control and radio are coated with soft, rubber-like layer. Definitely it’s gonna be feeling good for first couple of months of usage. But after years, I feel that this rubber will wear off. I’ve seen it before on other cars (I think VW Passat. One of taxis I’ve been in around Norwich I noticed that this kind of coating was worn off). Despite that it’s a massive improvement over the dull interior of those 90s/00s Renaults. Cars like 2nd Generation Clio had interiors that make watching paint drying on the wall a lifetime experience. So this interior gets thumbs up.

 

One detail I was particularly fond of was the key slot. To many it’s no big deal, but I really wish that ordinary keys didn’t disappear, but who am I to decide. So the best I can wish for is these key slots. Why? Because I want to have as much connection to the car as possible. A push button start is good, but it is quite impersonal. A slot key makes me feel like I did start the car. I put the key in and I unleashed that power, whereas when I push a keyless start button, it’s like I ask the car “can you star for me, please?” 

The driving position is good. Low down, the steering wheel and pedals are right in the centre and you can have the “king of the road” position (i.e. one hand on top of the wheel, one on the gear lever) easily. The visibility of instruments is very easy (unlike Peugeot, where they stupidly moved it in such a way that for some drivers the steering wheel is in the way to see them), however I question the use of electronic speedo. I believe they used it because it’s cheaper and looks cooler, but why do you need to know precisely how fast are you going? Even racing drivers don’t. For them only things they want to see on the display is the gear and rev counter. And another thing: using an electronic fuel tank gauge is not a wise choice. Renaults have used them for some years now. So have MINI. The problem with it is that they have bars instead of a continuous line to tell how much fuel you’ve got left. And bars make a huge difference. What’s wrong with an ordinary fuel gauge? It ain’t that expensive to make and won’t make too much of a hustle.

 

Another thing that made me puzzled was the rear leg and head room. Ok, I know that I’m 194 cm tall (6ft4in for imperial measurement people) but even midgets would find it hard to get in here. It’s not like Renault are exclusive cars like Jaguar. Renault people are ones who have a lot of friends without cars and (hopefully) you’re a nice enough person to give them a lift. And my guess is that many people will choose to walk because it will be less painful than to sit in the rear. First of all to have at least some decent legroom the driver needs to drive like a teenage girl, i.e. with the steering wheel in the chest and the chin above the wheel. Even then you would struggle to get some decent room.

And if they did have some leg room they would have to cut their heads off because there is literally no headroom.

And I don’t see what was the problem. The Megane rides on the same platform as Nissan Quashquai, and that car ain’t the smallest. And Renault still had tons of room behind rear seats to extend the car because the boot is massive, only it has a funny opening. So why didn’t they sacrifice some of that cavernous boot to make passengers a bit more human than headless pieces of meat? Even the smaller Renault Clio seemed larger.

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to drive the car because of two reasons: 1) there is a stupid bureaucracy in Britain regarding insuring people on cars and 2) they had no test cars. So I can make no comment on that. But as a car to live with you have to have midgets as friends and you will be fine. And as for quality, I have a feeling that those worry days are over, so forget about those French car stereotypes when you want to try a Renault.

I GIVE UP: The ill-fated SAAB

Some of my friends know that I am a huge Swedish car fan. And in past couple of years I have been very enthusiastic about the brand. A couple of reasons for that: I loved what they stood for, I hoped that they will get away from GMs disastrous regime and because my dad owned two – A 9000i and a 9000 CS 2.3T – and I loved them. And I was always thinking of excuses to why I am defending its troubles. But last year I finally gave up hoping, after hearing the news that they have run out of cash AGAIN and that they assembled merely 4 cars a week. With that kind of tempo and with assembly of a 12-year-old model I gave up hoping for its success because it is impossible.

I mean really. SAAB had already a decline in sales prior Spyker takeover in 2010 of the 9-3. It is by no means a bad car, only massively outdated, too simplistic for modern day competition (when cars like Megane I reviewed above have way much tech than a SAAB. Renault, being better than SAAB. Many years ago that was unthinkable) and not great for keen drivers. The front wheel drive for such large chassis is limiting the ability of the car and they are only keeping it because some SAAB purists say “don’t ruin the heritage.” BMW just recently spitted in the face of its RWD heritage with the hideous 2-series Active Tourer (more about it next week) and nothing happened. 

I don’t blame NEVS for this. And I don’t blame Spyker for this (though Spyker could’ve saved it if Victor Muller (pictured above) wouldn’t had tangled with the bastard Russian “businessman” Vladimir Antonov who also bankrupted two banks in the Baltics during that time). What I DO blame is GENERAL MOTORS! Yes, the very dastardly company that, as John Oliver said, “doesn’t have bad ideas, only bad cars.” Their mismanagement of SAABs finances and their insisted use of their pathetic platforms crushed the reputation of SAABs overnight. Suddenly the reliable, quirky Swede was nothing but a European Chevrolet Malibu or another Opel Vectra only in a fancier suit. Same with SAAB 9-5. The recent 9-5 (pictured below) was so similar to Vauxhall Insignia I truly believe that if I took the Vauxhall badge and stuck it over the SAAB badge nobody would notice that it was a SAAB.

Whenever I talked to people about SAAB, they don’t think about their great Turbo cars and their fantastic build quality. All they could say was “oh, that Opel-derived car?” or “it’s so unreliable.” If SAAB managers in 1989 heard the word “unreliable” and “SAAB” in the same sentence, I think they would’ve torn that deal up there and then. But because they didn’t and because it has once again stopped making cars because of money problems, I do apologize to hard core SAAB fans but I just can’t make myself believe that SAAB will ever flourish. It’s just too much to ask. I will respect their best work like 900 and 9000 and will not hesitate if I will have a chance to drive them, but that will be it. As I am boycotting GM, I will not be considering on getting a 9-5 or a 2nd Gen 9-3 even if somebody gave it to me.

About GM’s Ignition Switch Recall

I was thinking of writing today about the “Auto 2014” Car show that is in Riga today for the last day. I was expecting it to be marvelous, gigantic, spectacular, full of different brands, chance to have a seat in each of the cars (as they promised it to be on ads on internet and radio)…but  I was utterly disappointed by it. Not only I didn’t have a chance to have a seat in any of the cars, there weren’t many of them. Apart from Fiat-Chrysler group cars (including the Ghibli), the new Mini Cooper S (which I do like), couple of Golfs, and Mercedes, there were just dull brands there – Nissan/Renault, Peugeot, [falling asleep at this point already] Hyundai, KIA……and GM cars – couple of Chevys, Cadillacs and Opel (Vauxhall, for the British audience, Buick for American readers). And today I would like to talk more about this disastrous, pathetic Detroit cash cow.

 

Turn Me On: GM’s Ignition Switch Fiasco

After recent developments in that dirty car company I have decided to turn my back completely against all GM’s product line up because their attitude regarding the recent problem has been sickening. I am talking about the 2.6 MILLION (!!!) car recall regarding a small mechanical fault in the ignition switch mechanism that turns GM cars from way of transport to high speed coffins. And because of their reaction and ways to solving the problem, this big bankrupting organization deserves to collapse.

The problem in the ignition switch mechanism is a tiny spring plunger in the mechanism that is too short [in the picture above, the higher plunger is the faulty one]. Because of that, the whole mechanism is more fragile, i.e. it doesn’t get firmly fixed in its position. Because of this, the ignition can freely switch from “Run” to “Accessory” position, when a car key has a heavy key chain and it drives on an uneven surface, causing the keys to swing about, hence, turning the ignition key. Because of this, when the ignition is turned to “Accessory” position, the engine stops, turning off power steering, power brakes and airbags. This has resulted in 12 reported deaths linked to the accident (no one knows the actual number of injuries and deaths. Maybe GM hides it).

The problem was first reported in 2001 but only until now there were no measures taken to do anything about it. GM just kept on putting these defective ignition switches in and producing these cars with defects like crazy. The most ridiculous part of the story starts after the new CEO, Mary Barra, takes charge of this evil organization.

It turns out that Barra found out about this all defect scam during her training for her CEO position, i.e. JANUARY OF THIS YEAR! The woman has been working in the company since age of 18 and gone through all these ranks to find about this 2.6 million car affecting deadly problem only when she takes charge of all that darn company? Also, GM as an organization denies any involvement with this problem, because they say it was the problem of the “Old GM”, and after the 2008 bail out they are the “New GM”. WHAT?! A turd covered with a blanked for no one to see it is still a turd. It doesn’t change anything.

Here’s the “fun” part – recalls. Guess what was the first suggestion from GM regarding this problem? “Take to the dealers?” No. “Avoid driving and call an evacuator truck?” Wrong again. The first suggestion was “Use less heavy key chains when driving.” Which is ridiculous, because the fault can still occur without a key chain, from heavy vibrations from the road (like hitting a pothole). The next absolutely ridiculous mistake they made was when actually changing these ignition switches. They changed the defective ones…to fresh ones with the same problem. ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!

It is no question that GM’s reputation is forever damaged with this…well…when I say “damaged”, I mean “more damaged than it was before”. I mean it had some wonderful brands in its control – Pontiac, SAAB, Isuzu – that were destroyed because of the company being so vast and so inefficient at managing itself. SAAB itself had the problem of being Americanized. Before GM SAAB was known for quality, safe and exhilarating to drive automobiles. But GM’s poor management and allocation of finances ruined the brand beyond repair. Same story with Pontiac. Within GM Pontiac was a star player, selling exciting, fun pony cars. But as the years went by, some ridiculous models started to roll out of GM’s factories – Solstice (a roadster with no luggage compartment …in 2005!), G6 (it was just…some car. Even Oprah Winfrey’s give-away didn’t make this car more interesting), many ridiculously lazily restyled badge-engineered GM cars and Pontiac Aztek, the worst looking car in the known world ever.

So this is why I am now no longer considering to get behind the wheel of a GM-branded car (might be a passenger, but I wouldn’t drive one myself, even if it would be given to me). I just think that this kind of attitude from a car company to their highly valuable customers is totally unacceptable and childish and any other car company that has done that in the history of car industry have met a fatal outcome for them.