Can you feel the love tonight?: Why a car is more than a piece of metal on four wheels

“A way of transport that takes you from A to B”. I have heard a lot of people saying this about cars, including my dad. That is partly true, but I think there is way more to it. Jaguar co-founder, Sir William Lions, once said: “The car is the closest thing we will ever create to something that is alive.” Let me prove it to you by breaking the article down into three parts: voice, body and character.

VOICE: I am 110% sure that you have listened to music at some point in life (if not, you need help). So you definitely have your favorite singer or band. Not just because of what is being played, but also the power of singer’s voice. And I am talking about music, not your Chris Wests or Kanye Browns, unless their favorite car noise is the one made by Toyota Prius. Everyone has their favorite that they love, and the one they don’t care about as it sounds like any other band. It’s the same with cars. Everyone loves a good noise of a car. Some might love their four-cylinder Fiesta engine noise, others – the bellow of a V8 Dodge Charger muscle car. Then there are those I understand the least – those who love Nissan Skyline engine noise. But that’s just my taste.

BODY: girls go crazy over guys like Ryan Gosling, guys can’t get over how great Jennifer Lawrence looks like. And everyone has his or her favorite look of a car. Someone might love the perfect, human-like lines on a Lamborghini Miura. The opening scene in “The Italian Job” is to petrol heads what watching Gisele Bündchen on a catwalk is to the rest. It is so darn beautiful and sensual. A celebration of beauty.

Then there are others who like cars that have been designed with a ruler, like Lamborghini Countach. An angle has a beauty in an engineering sense. The whole car model culture (which, in my view, is pathetic. That shows you’ve made a car with such a bad design you actually need women to stand next to it and hoping it somehow is going to make it look better) started in the 1970s. The age of angles in the car industry. All those Lincolns, Italian wedge-shaped sportscars and boxy family cars. They all started in the 70s and progressed in the 80s. Then there are those who are un-traditional. Like me – I love the DeLorean DMC-12, but others just look at it and thing “ugh, ugly.”

CHARACTER: there is always a car that has some sort of a character like a human being. You have your nerds, who are like Honda Jazz– they get a chemistry experiment perfectly right, but you will not jump up and down when it happens. You probably will be distracted by the guy next to you who in his hangover will make all things go horribly wrong – that’s a Russian car. You laugh about them and their faults amuse you.

Then you have your temperamental lovers, which, stereotypically, are Italians and French. Same with cars: Italian and French cars have their culture of breakdowns and faults, but you don’t want to leave them. They kiss and woo you when they’re happy, but when they break down, they give you the biggest headache.

Then there’s a car that always looks little and cute. Someone that always make you smile and waul out a little “awwww.” And every time you drive it, the car cheers you up and puts that endless smile on your face, which you cannot resist even in your dullest days. It’s a car that always smiles at you, always is happy. Like a little puppy labrador, that is waiting for you impatiently until you will take him out for a walk. That’s how a Mini is. Every time I see one and all the times I’ve been driven around in one I always cannot stop smiling. It is a happy machine. Probably that’s why the most careless, childish and most positive Englishman in the world was driving one.

Then there is Aston Martin. Have you ever seen an Aston Martin with an aftermarket wing on the back? No. So it cannot be someone who wears gold chains, walking around, looking for attention, like a Bentley or a Ferrari. Also, it is elegant and smart. It always looks like it has to be parked near an opera. It whispers quietly, but when it speaks, you can’t forget its voice and you can hear it coming from miles away. It perfectly reflects James Bond. Thank God Ian Fleming swapped Bond’s car from Bentley to Aston Martin. It is just like him.

Also, part of character is the bondage you get during some of your big events in life. Your first car, the fastest car you’ve driven, the car you drove to that successful interview. You will never forget those ones. See? A car is way more than a lump of metal with wheels that with some mechanics applied to it moves forwards. It is your friend, your pet, your favorite art, and your memory.

Sharing is caring: most surprising car part sharing occasions

On Tuesday I was doing something that only 10% of Twitter users do: scroll through and read the messages posted on the main feed. Since I’m following 216 accounts it is quite a messy feed, ranging from posts from people I actually care about to some stupid, unreasonable reposts, like “you will not believe what Justin Bieber posted on Facebook. To see it, click this link here”. Uh-huh, yeah, I’m not that stupid. There are two things I don’t care about in these situations: Justin Bieber and getting my laptop infected with every single computer virus there ever has been.

But it’s not all that bad. I find out some surprising facts and I found something quite shocking car-wise that I decided to do some research and find out more of this trait in car world. CAR PART SHARING.

The post that caused this interest was about McLaren F1. An engineering marvel. It still is the fastest naturally aspirated car in the world with 390 km/h (240 mph) in the record books and it is sort of a hypercar that you wouldn’t be expecting to see a cocky rapper or a pretending genius, teeth-whitened producer behind the wheel. No. These cars are owned by true professionals like Jay Leno, Eric Clapton, Michael Schumacher, Elon Musk and Rowan Atkinson (who occasionally kept crashing and restoring his F1). The car had a price tag of $1m and, because only 106 were produced, this price won’t be decreasing for sure. So you expect this car to be made out of exotic materials and genuine parts created for the car. But you’d be wrong, because there was a set of parts on the car that you would be least expecting to be shared with some other car. I am talking about the rear lights.

Now an ordinary human being would just say “no big deal”. But then you have to see what other car (or I’d rather say “motor vehicle”) shares them. Surprise, surprise, it’s a DAF bus.

If the car DAF would’ve shared its parts with would’ve been a Ford or a Hyundai, I wouldn’t be surprised, but cost cutting on a million dollar supercar seems unjustified. It’s not like the company was short of cash. With McLaren having four consecutive F1 championship titles before the car was released in 1992 it’s not like they were short of cash. Or maybe they rushed it. That’s the only explenation I could think of – them rushing to finish the car in time before potential buyers turn away. Luckily McLaren aren’t the same anymore, having all their cars and technology designed “in the house” as they say in the car world.

But McLaren ain’t the only ones who fell into the misery of car part sharing. Here are a couple of other cars with some cheap parts and the cars these parts originated from.

ASTON MARTIN DB7 REAR LIGHT MODULES – 1989 MAZDA 323F

I now understand why in 1990s James Bond didn’t drive the Aston. Because as you can see, cost cutting in the company was pretty horrible. The rear lights out of a economy car? It’s the only design element of that car I didn’t really like. Aston wasn’t all that great on the inside either, having a gearstick so close to the stereo that you couldn’t really change your cassette (or CD if you were tech-savy in those days) unless you had your car in a low gear if it was an auto box or if it was in 2nd, 4th or 6th. The switchgear and the console itself was very Fordish (which is no coincidence, as Aston was owned by Ford from 1987 to 2007. Ford also had a small share of Mazda as well, which explains the light sharing). It’s a shame, because it’s an Aston Martin.

ASTON MARTIN VIRAGE FRONT AND REAR LIGHTS – AUDI 200 and VW SCIROCCO

It’s Aston again. But this car basically shows how bad things were before Ford took Aston Martin over. It’s no surprise that you haven’t heard of the Virage, because it was Aston’s call for desperation to stay alive. Just over 1000 cars were produced and they haven’t really found their place in classic car hall of fame. Partly it was because of its gopping looks. This car really looks like it was designed in a hurry by an accountant and a salesman. Then there was the parts sharing. The front lights were from Audi 200 and rear lights – from a VW Scirocco. They could’ve used parts from other manufacturers because these don’t fit at all. It makes the Aston look like a kit car built by some car enthusiasts during weekends. Some really could mistake this with a VW Scirocco coupe which for an Aston would be such a resentment.

MG SV-R – FIAT PUNTO

The last years of MG were a pain to many car enthusiasts. Here is a brand with racing pedigree and charm dying a suffering death. This suffering also was reflected into cars they built. The MG SV-R was a weird project. Firstly because it was a super car from a brand that already earned a reputation for building cars for British pensioners (thanks to Rover). Secondly because though it was supposed to be a super car it was still built like a pensioner’s car. The front lights were inherited from Fiat’s Punto. It’s not a bad decision as it suited the design, making it look like it squints at you with a mean stare.

PAGANI ZONDA AIR CONDITIONING CONTROLS – MG ZS

Now this one I found by pure chance and I started doubting Pagani. Up until the moment I found out about this I believed (sort of) what Horacio Pagani was saying, that he sprays a fresh grass air freshener around his office so he can concentrate better, that he was spending hours walking around the finished car and watching every single detail of it before redesigning it, that all the parts for his cars were made by Pagani. RUBBISH! So did MG just steal a batch of air conditioning units from you and dropped them into their cars? What’s more, they just kept washing petrolhead’s brains that all cars are “crafted to the absolute perfection” and hey used this claim to justify their £500k price tag. Why couldn’t you just rise the price for another £50k and insert proper electronic switch gear, not one that costs £60 (I did research. The MG air conditioning control unit costs £60). If your cars were an automotive perfection, why did you cut costs so early?

LAMBORGHINI DIABLO FACELIFTED MODEL’S HEADLIGHTS – NISSAN 300ZX

It’s nothing huge, but I really preferred the pop-up headlights on the Diablo. That’s all because of the legislation that is supposed to “keep people alive by removing this fatal headlight design”. Thanks.

NOBLE M600 ENGINE – VOLVO S80 V8

This last one though might not be a visual part, but it sure is quite an interesting one. The hard-core supercar maker Noble used the conservative Volvo’s mad V8 engine, added a couple of turbos and created a monster. It’s really a shame we will never see a V8 engine in a Volvo again because they’re now staying with 4-cylinder engines, but it’s weird that a Volvo engine powers a 200+mph supercar. What’s more, remove all the silencers on Volvo’s exhaust and you will have the best car to confuse people with, because when they’ll hear this roar and then see an S80 coming from that way they will think that they’ve lost their minds. These cars are called “sleeper’s cars”, because until you beat the guy next to you at the take off from traffic lights, he will never know that you have something sinister at your disposal.

Motorexpo 2014

It’s showtime: London Motorexpo 2014

 

I have been away for a while, but now I’m back. And on Monday I visited a car show that I have actually something to talk about. It was Motorexpo 2014 in Canary Warf, in London. And these were my favorites from the show. Photos provided by me with a great helping hand of my sister.

 

Porsche Boxster

 

This is the very recent version of Porsche’s “hairdresser’s car” which now has become more muscular and more likeable to many. The first thing that I noticed as soon as I got into the car was most certainly QUALITY. It was everywhere – from the feel and smell of the brand new leather (I love smell of new leather in new cars) to those thousands of buttons on the center console. Even paddle shifters felt like they’ve been screwed together so tough that even a tractor couldn’t pull them off. A very low car too, though. However, as I said, this is “hairdresser’s car”, i.e. you wouldn’t like to see two men in it with the roof down. It would be a bit awkward. In an Aston Martin or an Audi A4 sure, fine, it’s cool, but in this it sort of doesn’t look right. But if you forget about the guy sitting next to you, focus yourself on the absolutely sublime driving position (feet in level with the ground and pointing dead straight) and you’ll be the happiest man in the world. For a woman, you will feel happy no matter who sits next to you.

 

Aston Martin V12 Vantage S

 

Speaking of Astons, finally saw one today. Because I am so “poor” (i.e. I didn’t wear a Rolex and my eye pupils didn’t form into dollar signs) the dealer standing next to it started to shout as soon as I was crouching to get in. Oh well, maybe some other time. But one thing I can point out to Aston – your interiors have to updated fast. They’re a bit dated. Don’t believe me? Read some car journals. However, as I read, they are in works of a brand new chassis. #happytimes

McLaren 650S

 

If you remember (if, of course, you bother reading my blog every time I post something) I said that I see no point of the 650S. That it is a slightly higher priced, P1-nosed 12C. Then I had a chat with the chap who represented McLaren there. He too said “look, touch, close the door, but don’t sit there”, but then I asked him “isn’t this just a fancier 650S?” He explained that it is in the looks (from the back, of course), but in detail it’s a different car. Sure, it has a 3.8 litre twin-turbo V8 (same as every other McLaren (apart from F1) there was, is and, for now, ever will be), but it’s been tuned up to 612 bhp (650 PS, hence the 650 in the model name). Also, the P1 nose gives it way more downforce. He said that the 12C had too little downforce on the nose that at some speeds there could be a possible understeer. Not like Lamborghini Miura, of course, but still not good enough in McLaren’s perfectionist eyes. Also they added larger side skirts, a bigger side scoops for more engine cooling and almost all of 12C extras now come as standard. And if you calculate all differences, he said, the 650S is actually cheaper by about £2000 than the 12C. And now I’m guessing you’re bored to levels of boredom as big as listening to a lecture about evolution. But don’t be put off by this. It just shows that even a chap at a car show is as geeky and passionate for the brand as Ron Dennis. Ronnie himself was a perfectionist and, after he came back, seems like things have shaken up a bit. And that’s a good thing.

 

Lotus Evora S

 

Apart from this eye-watering color, I love the Evora. This is the S-model, i.e. a supercharged 3.5 litre  Supercharged (hence the S designation) Toyota engine in the middle and some bits and bobs added to it as standard. As Lotus has been known for decades as the ultimate handling machine, this one felt like it is just that – low, perfect seating position, arms completely horizontal when extended to the wheel, perfect adjustment on the seat to get in the position and a crisp gearbox. I have no idea where Clarkson came up with rubbish shifts when he reviewed the Evora S. There were two drawbacks. The first wan was there is literally no space in the rear for the passengers. Despite having two seats you would have to be: a) a midget if you’re driving or b) a baby if you’re sitting at the back. And the quality of the door opening handle was a bit wobbly.

 

Lotus Exige LF1

 

Back in 2011 I got in a Lotus Elise for the first time. But then getting out of it was truly embarrassing for me and quite entertaining for my mate who stood there while I was on my knees, trying to get out of that thing. The same story here – I have mastered the method of getting in (first you sit in it, then slide your feet under the steering wheel). As for getting out, well, as you can see in the picture above, I have still a long way to go. Anyhow, it is a stripped-down version of Elise, so in the interior there is no drama. Just mechanical windows, no carpets, just an aluminium floor, a steering wheel, a gear knob and some pedals. That’s it. And do you actually need anything else for a track-ready sportscar? To beat all those “sluggish” Mercs and Audis, I don’t think you do.

Why is it particularly an LF1? Because this edition is made to celebrate Lotus’s involvement in F1 throughout the years. It features 2 in 1 color scheme tributes – the bright red is to commemorate those “Gold Leaf” F1 cars of late 60s and that famous, unforgettable “John Player Special” black-and-gold scheme. Only 81 of them will be built. So I have had a bit of a luck. 

Jaguar XJR

 

I remember the year I fell in love with Jaguar. That was 1998, when I got my first computer game ever – Need for Speed III. It had two Jags – XJR-15 sportscar and an XK8. Despite XJR-15 being faster, sleeker and in a higher class than the XK8, I loved the GT coupe because it had this Jaguarishness about it. It just felt right. It looked good, it has the best brand name in the business (imagine saying to your girlfriend/wife: “Shall we take the Jag tonight, my dear?” Makes you as cool as Roger Moore. Actually cooler, because that guy had a thing with opening eyes wide when he said things like this) and…it just was my favorite car. Fast-forward to 2011, I saw the last special edition Jaguar XK- XKR-S – and an XJ. I was so surprised by how cooler Jags are than I though.

 

XJ has one of best interiors in business. It is at the top alongside Audi which for decades has made its drivers feel more at home than your local pudding. Jag’s swooping trim line going all across the dash; if it is chosen to be wood, it would make you feel like a king. I love it. Then the position in which you sit; it makes you feel cool even if you are a nerd. The TFT-display, pillow-soft seats, supercharged V8 engine…the list goes on and on and on.

 

Jaguar F-type

 

Oh yes, I always save the best for last. I couldn’t contain my excitement while writing this article until I got to write about my most favorite car of today – the F-type. I have seen it millions of times in pictures, but when I saw it up close I was blown away. It is just too beautiful to remain unnoticed. They had them in various shapes and sizes – both convertible and coupe – but, as some might know, my favorite F-type has to be the V6 S coupe. First of all it has the more powerful supercharged V6 of the lot. Secondly it makes the same roar as the E-type Straight-6 XK engine. I love it way more than the roar to the V8. Don’t get me wrong, I love the V8, but if I had an F-type, it would be just a V6. Thirdly, in my mind the coupe F-type is the most beautiful car in the whole world today. I’m not a fan of roadsters myself. I love solid roof driving. I wouldn’t mind to drive with a roof down, but only on a GT coupe. But as you saw some weeks ago, Jaguar killed the XK and the replacement, the XR (as rumors suggest it’s going to be called) is coming no earlier than 2017 (according to CAR magazine, at least. I hope they’re right). Also the coupe has more luggage space than the roadster. In the car show one of convertibles had a golf bag in the boot. Now that looked like a mini golf bag. In the coupe, though, if I would have a girlfriend, we could have some space to take some luggage with us for the week. Not huge, but this is a sports car, not a grand tourer.

I did get a chance to sit inside as well. Seats, despite being as thin as Lewis Hamilton’s patience, were surprisingly comfortable. And the quality of it all was as good (or maybe better) than that in Porsche. That is quite a high praise. But then again Jag has come a long way. From Ford-days when they still had some quality and reliability issues and that hideous-looking S-type, to the lineup of today. It is just getting better and better. And I cannot wait what the XE will bring this autumn.

 

Today I lived in a dream. A dream I didn’t want to leave. Thank you, Motorexpo, for giving this wonderful opportunity to see these beauties. It’s been 3 years but the passion is still there. 

About being a true petrolhead

Who do you think you are?!: What makes a true petrolhead?

 

 

I hesitated to talk about this topic for long but, after a desperate invitation on Instagram I’ve decided to let it loose and expose these “petrolhead wannabes”.

The guy in question invited to follow his profile on Instagram. He said it’s about “cars” and I just thought I might check out this guy. But as soon as I opened it, it was yet another one of those million profiles out there, one of those who think they know about cars and think that the flashier the brand is, the cooler the car is. Umm….NO. STOP IT!

 

Just to give a flavor of what I’m talking about here are a few of his (not sure if his, but they are there) photos. Just a bunch of ordinary midlife crisis cars.

 

First of all, if you are a true petrolhead, you can’t possibly like just new Ferraris (he had quite a few on there). If you say “hey, I love that Ferrari 458” or “Ferrari F12 Berlinetta is the best car in the world”, I laugh my insides out (in my mind, of course), because a true petrolhead doesn’t like just recent Ferraris…or Ferraris in general. Do you know why? Because anyone in the world knows what a Ferrari is and non-enthusiast’s first supercar of choice will always be a Ferrari. It’s a dream car for unimaginative businessmen and for those who think “LSD” is a drug, not a piece of car technology that improves handling. Someone who likes a Ferrari can be regarded to be a petrolhead ONLY if they have a knowledge of the brand and they like the genuine Ferraris (Daytona, 250 GTO, Flat-12 engined Testarossa). They have knowledge and they can say that those cars then were Ferraris. If Enzo Ferrari was alive today, he’d punch Ferrari executives of today directly in the face because the company nowadays go completely against his principals – he made cars to be piece of art and don’t even try and think of doing excessive mass production of them. Enzo made cars primarily to fund his F1 team.

Ferrari Daytona. If you can tell more about Daytona, then I might think you are a petrolhead

Then there’s the “crown” of petrolhead wannabes – Bugatti “Škoda Headlights” Veyron. Some post pictures and write that that is the coolest, most beautiful car in the world. Excuse me? Lamborghini Miura is beautiful, Aston Martin DBS is cool. Veyron is an example of over-engineered, overpriced, overrated car for people with “SCS” (Small Cock Syndrome); for those who just don’t know what to do with their money and they waste on a car that you can’t drive (more about it in my

“About Veyron drivers and Bertone” article.

 

Tell me once again that Bugatti Veryon is cooler and prettier than this Aston Martin DBS and I will recommend you an optician to visit because you are possibly blind.

 

Then there are those who think wrapped cars are cool. How in the name of God can you call yourself a petrolhead if you cannot appreciate car’s original looks? The ones that really get on my nerves (and there have been quite a few of those wrapped in shiny wraps) are Bentley Continental GTs, the ultimate show-off Napoleon’s car (and by “Napoleon” I mean a guy who makes himself look “greater” by buying these “bling-bling” automobiles. I know Napoleon himself was an interesting character, but let’s stick to showing off). There will always be someone driving around town in a Bentley at night…wearing sunglasses. That’s just their nature. No wise man will buy a Bentley. You say “oh hang on, but what about the Flying Spur?” Sorry, Gullible Gustav, but “Flying Spur” is just a VW Phaeton with a Bentley badge stuck on the bonnet (one of worst badge-engineering examples ever executed by VW). Don’t get me wrong, Phaeton is a great car, but why waste thousands more buying a Bentley when you can buy a VW for a fraction? If you want prestige, buy a Jaguar XJ, Maserati Quatroporte or a Mercedes S-Class. Or, in worst case, an Aston Martin Rapide. Use common sense.

Bentley Continental GT. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse…well…this happened. WHY?

 

So, now you might as, if you are a petrolhead, how can you prove that? Simple. I like cars based on their heritage, technology and personality, not based on what everyone else thinks. The most important thing of being a petrolhead is to be individual, to not be afraid to share views on any car or any brand. Then you might ask “what cars do you like then and why?” Ok, let’s list just a few, shall we?:

 

1)   Jaguar E-type 4.2 liter Series 1:

 

It has to be Series 1, because, personally, I have a feeling that those sealed headlights make that car complete. And the Series 2 and 3 are too American (Jaguar had to customize them to American needs), so they became fatter and more ordinary. I think the ugliest E-type of them all is the E-type Series 3 2+2. Simply because the cabin silhouette is a bit too big, it starts to make this British beauty look like a fishbowl on wheels. Anyway…Series 1 4.2 liter simply because it gave the power that Jaguar promised and because that noise is my favorite car noise in the whole world. I can listen to it day and night and never get tired from it.

2)   DeLorean DMC-12:

 

Ok, some might protest now. I know, I know. DeLorean wasn’t that brilliant. It had its flaws such as its engineering (doors, if opened to rapidly, can be deformed, hence that plastic line on the side might look “broken” because of increased panel gaps), performance (the PRV-6 engine combined with laughable American emission restrictions made this car as powerful as a base trim Hyundai of today) and its infamous creator, genius and felon John Zachary DeLorean . But at the same time this story is so mysterious and crazy that it makes me to love this car. I am one of few people in the world who loves the stock car more than the Time Machine in “Back To The Future” and I am definitely considering of owning one in the future when time will be right.

3)   Face-lifted SAAB 900 Turbo Coupe:

The classic one, obviously. It still is a rather cool and great to drive car. Coupe somehow is well proportioned and it is, I think, the best-looking SAAB there ever was and will be. Also because, though being fast and great to drive, it is still as comfy as Queen Elizabeth’s bed and is one of few coupes that can sit 5 people easily.

4)   Jaguar XK:

It is the best looking car of today. Forget about the useless rear seats, this car is for gentlemen. Because it saved Jaguar in 2000s, when Ford made such a hustle of it (but it was nothing compared to the disaster that GM created out of SAAB) and because it is a car that truly can be treated like a woman. It’s hips over the rear wheels, the long hood, cat-eyes and the window frame (somehow classic). And because it’s a Jaaaaag.

5)   Lamborghini Miura:

The genesis of supercars and a Mona Lisa of automotive culture. Read more about it in my “About Veyron drivers and Bertone” article.

6)   Rover Mini Cooper:

The pre-2001 Minis were Minis. It’s hard to call the post-2001 ones Minis as it’s hard to see in what way are they small. But the original Mini, I’ve driven it, it is brilliant, corners like nothing else out there, is super cute and it is the only car that I’ve seen who’s drivers are waving at each other as they pass. Gives you a feeling that you’re part of another big family, doesn’t it?